So here is the scenario. I was hired to do a restaurant review of the newest hot spot in tinsel town but what they failed to include in the job description was the fact that they wanted this article done up and edited by this very afternoon.
It wasn't something that I planned into my day but here I am stuck indoors writing an article that I just do not want to do. Unfortunately after I had spent an hour trying to choke back the gruesome meal that this five star restaurant presented to me I all too soon came to the conclusion that their chow was absolutely positively the most disgusting tasting food that has ever managed to wriggle on past a palate.
It had been agonizing enough to have to consume the horrific slop that they dished up onto my plate but to have to relive the experience again is almost more than I can bear. The distasteful repugnant scent of the meal still lingers on my skin and I am having difficulty trying to suppress the urge to regurgitate the vile nauseating contents of my gaseous stomach. But a job is a job so I pull out my thesaurus and attempt to find the appropriate words to complete this assignment.
Review: Marco's Magnificent House of Venison
(This Is A Story Filled With The Synonyms You Are Searching For)
To have a full selection of items to review I decided on a three course meal consisting of an appetizer, a seafood dinner and this followed up by a small sweet for dessert. The first course was to be a crisply baked fish appetizer followed shortly by a plate of imported salmon laid out on a bed of fresh garden greens. A delicate yam pudding was to be the finishing touch to this culinary adventure. Imagine my surprise when the first course arrived and on the plate lay a tumbled mass of bruised and broken dried sardines. I quickly pushed the macabre plate of nauseating nastiness to the side.
Unfortunately the second platter to arrive seemed that it might be just slightly more acceptable than the first. Dinner was a simple yet somehow intensely detestable platter of unsavory salmon salad. The meat was revoltingly rawish in color. Staring unappetizingly upwards from the plate, the meat's loathsome foul despicable sickening appearance only served to enhance the noxious intolerable nasty aroma emanating from the other ingredients of this extremely awful dish. The limp undesirable salad greens were somehow unpleasantly glued to the platter. A couple bright red unidentifiable chunks of unpalatable fruit were visible amongst the worm like dried noodles that had somehow managed to find their way into this very unusually repulsive mawkish salad.
To add insult to injury dried bits of brown and blackened onion sat tauntingly atop a bed of forbidding crushed bread crumbs. My stomach gurgled softly as I picked up my fork to dislodge a small portion of the dried green vegetable from its uninviting positioning on the plate. I raised the utensil and prepared myself to choke back that first uninviting undelectable hideous bite of pure horror. The unalluring meal did not disappoint me. It was everything that I had imagined it would be.
The forbidding obnoxious noxious hideous grim substance lodged tightly within the confines of my throat. I could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes but alike a snake choking back an over sized frog I swallowed. As I pushed my fork into the dried bread I noticed the faint distressing aroma of mold as it floated upwards to my nose. I could see something moving on my plate. Being as discreet as possible I shuffled my lettuce to catch a better view of the invader. The contemptible meal seemed to have no boundaries as to the displeasing undelicious abhorrent unlikable unbearable vexation that it was directing toward me.
As an amazingly large housefly manages to drag itself out from beneath an unpleasantly colored pathetic chunk of what I presume to be fish I know deep within my heart that my distressful hateful nasty beneath contempt meal is done. I could not eat one more bite of this agonizing and all too over praised pathetic mortifying appalling torturous revolting excuse for a meal. Truly the only words worthy enough to describe this disaster would be icky yucky and gross.
Unfortunately the second platter to arrive seemed that it might be just slightly more acceptable than the first. Dinner was a simple yet somehow intensely detestable platter of unsavory salmon salad. The meat was revoltingly rawish in color. Staring unappetizingly upwards from the plate, the meat's loathsome foul despicable sickening appearance only served to enhance the noxious intolerable nasty aroma emanating from the other ingredients of this extremely awful dish. The limp undesirable salad greens were somehow unpleasantly glued to the platter. A couple bright red unidentifiable chunks of unpalatable fruit were visible amongst the worm like dried noodles that had somehow managed to find their way into this very unusually repulsive mawkish salad.
To add insult to injury dried bits of brown and blackened onion sat tauntingly atop a bed of forbidding crushed bread crumbs. My stomach gurgled softly as I picked up my fork to dislodge a small portion of the dried green vegetable from its uninviting positioning on the plate. I raised the utensil and prepared myself to choke back that first uninviting undelectable hideous bite of pure horror. The unalluring meal did not disappoint me. It was everything that I had imagined it would be.
The forbidding obnoxious noxious hideous grim substance lodged tightly within the confines of my throat. I could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes but alike a snake choking back an over sized frog I swallowed. As I pushed my fork into the dried bread I noticed the faint distressing aroma of mold as it floated upwards to my nose. I could see something moving on my plate. Being as discreet as possible I shuffled my lettuce to catch a better view of the invader. The contemptible meal seemed to have no boundaries as to the displeasing undelicious abhorrent unlikable unbearable vexation that it was directing toward me.
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