So here is the scenario. I was hired to do a restaurant review of the newest hot spot in tinsel town but what they failed to include in the job description was the fact that they wanted the article done up and edited by that very afternoon.
It wasn't something that I planned into my day but here I was stuck indoors writing an article that I just did not want to do. Unfortunately after I had spent an hour trying to choke back the gruesome meal that this five star restaurant presented to me, I came to the conclusion that their chow was absolutely positively the most disgusting tasting food that had ever managed to wriggle on past a palate.
It had been agonizing enough to have to consume the horrific slop that they dished up onto my plate but to have to relive the experience again was almost more than I could bear. The distasteful repugnant scent of the meal still lingered on my skin and I was having difficulty trying to suppress the urge to regurgitate the vile nauseating contents of my gaseous stomach. But a job is a job so I pulled out my thesaurus and attempted to find the appropriate words to complete this assignment.
Review: Marco's Magnificent House of Venison
To have a full selection of items to review I decided on a three course meal consisting of an appetizer, a seafood dinner and this followed up by a small sweet for dessert. The first course was to be a crisply baked fish appetizer followed shortly by a plate of imported salmon laid out on a bed of fresh garden greens. A delicate yam pudding was to be the finishing touch to this culinary adventure. Imagine my surprise when the first course arrived and on the plate lay a tumbled mass of bruised and broken dried sardines. I quickly pushed the macabre plate of nauseating nastiness to the side.
Unfortunately the second platter to arrive seemed that it might be just slightly more acceptable than the first. Dinner was a simple yet somehow intensely detestable platter of unsavoury salmon salad. The meat was revoltingly rawish in colour. Staring unappetizingly upwards from the plate, the meat's
loathsome foul despicable sickening appearance only served to enhance the noxious intolerable nasty aroma emanating from the other ingredients of this extremely awful dish.
Unfortunately the second platter to arrive seemed that it might be just slightly more acceptable than the first. Dinner was a simple yet somehow intensely detestable platter of unsavoury salmon salad. The meat was revoltingly rawish in colour. Staring unappetizingly upwards from the plate, the meat's
The limp undesirable salad greens were somehow unpleasantly glued to the platter. A couple bright red unidentifiable chunks of unpalatable fruit were visible amongst the worm like dried noodles that had somehow managed to find their way into this very unusually repulsive mawkish salad.
To add insult to injury dried bits of brown and blackened onion sat tauntingly atop a bed of forbidding crushed bread crumbs. My stomach gurgled softly as I picked up my fork to dislodge a small portion of the dried green vegetable from its uninviting positioning on the plate. I raised the utensil and prepared myself to choke back that first uninviting undelectable hideous bite of pure horror. The unalluring meal did not disappoint me. It was everything that I had imagined it would be.
The forbidding obnoxious noxious hideous grim substance lodged tightly within the confines of my throat. I could feel tears beginning to well up in my eyes but alike a snake choking back an over sized frog I swallowed. As I pushed my fork into the dried bread I noticed the faint distressing aroma of mold as it floated upwards to my nose. I could see something moving on my plate so being as discreet as possible I shuffled my lettuce to catch a better view of the invader. The contemptible meal seemed to have no boundaries as to the displeasing unappetizing abhorrent unlikable unbearable vexation that it was.
As an amazingly large housefly managed to drag itself out from beneath an unpleasantly coloured pathetic chunk of what I presume to be fish I knew deep within my heart that my distressful hateful nasty beneath contempt meal was done. I could not eat one more bite of this agonizing and all too over praised pathetic mortifying appalling torturous revolting excuse for a meal. Truly the only words worthy enough to describe this disaster would be icky yucky and gross.
Related Articles by Lorelei Cohen
~ Homemade Chicken Finger Strips in Batter
~ Basic White Sauce Recipe: Cornstarch or Flour?
~ Resilience: Our Ability to Adapt and Adjust to Change
~ Subliminal Message Subconscious Learning